Be Good To Yourself

It happened again. I got my period. December was our last chance to get pregnant without a little "help" - oh well. I've never liked my period - who does - but now I definitely know why they cali it The Curse. I know that in the world of infertility I should be thankful that I'm regular. But in the world of fertility, I'm sad, frustrated, annoyed and depressed every time I get my period.

So now what happens? Clomid (a drug that makes you ovulate or ovulate more), IUI (my husband gives a sperm sample, they spin it so only the sperm are left, and then they inject it directly into my uterus on the day I ovulate), acupuncture and putting our weekend plans on hold around a certain 4-5 day period in case the second purple line on the ovulator prediction stick is dark on a Saturday.

I tried acupuncture for the first time last week, and I'm not sure what I expected but...nothing happened. It was nice to have someone ask me a lot of questions about myself, and it was a little scary to have the acupuncturist look at my tongue the morning after I had had at least a bottle of wine to myself (you would too if your mother in law came for dinner with 6 of her relatives and brought three extra people without telling you and brought her voodoo doll - I am not kidding - which she taps with a hammer - I am not kidding - and which she took out in my living room and tapped it announcing (for the seventh time in front of other people) that a woman she knows got pregnant this way - and then she tapped on the doll's stomach area while I announced that I was "checking on the pork."). And right before she put the first needle in I got a little freaked out. But overall, it was just sort of a relaxing half hour of nothingness, and didn't seem to make much difference.

My neck still hurt (stress) and my lower back still hurt (old fracture) and apparently I wasn't any more fertile.

But in case you're considering it, here are a few things I learned: the needles are more like strands of your hair than needles. THey are the size of a strand of hair, and almost as flexible. You do feel some of them - for me, I felt the needles that were on my left side, but none of the needles on my right side - but after a few minutes of relaxation, you almost don't feel them at all. You won't bleed or bruise or know most of them are even there. And having them removed is completely painless - or at least it was for me.

And my feeling is that whether it works or not, it's part of a holistic plan for me. Tomorrow I start a mind/body class for women (and their partners during three classes) dealing with infertility, and next week I continue with acupuncture and start meeting with a nutritionist. And I've signed up for a beginner yoga class once a week, and am starting to weight train again.

I think when you're dealing with this, you have to take care of You. If you need to skip a family gathering, baby shower, or whatever, skip it. What are you doing that's fun? Dr. Domar asked me what my husband and I do for fun, and besides skiing on the weekends, I couldn't think of anything. He's starting a new job, so activities we could do together during the week aren't a good idea right now, but I decided I'd so some things that are sort of frivolous and fun for me - the yoga, the acupuncture, the nutritionist and I'm also getting weekly manicures - something I"ve always considered to be a waste of money.

I once told my friend Kate that when I had kids, I'd get a Volvo, because I had a friend in college who was in one when she was hit by an 18 wheeler and the police said if she hadn't been in a Volvo, she'd have been killed. Kate looked at me and said, "then why wouldn't you get a Volvo now? If you get killed in a car accident, you can't have any kids."

I laughed, but she's right. Why am I waiting until I get pregnant to take care of myself, to eat right and sleep a lot and relax?

Be nice to You now. You deserve it.

- L.