It's All a Mystery. Period.

Sex and the City fans: Remember when Charlotte was with Trey, who had "performance issues?" In one scene, Charlotte berates him and his obsession with his “John Thomas.” “That’s all you ever think about!” she screams. “Be careful, don’t say anything bad around it, don’t want to make it unhappy!”

That’s how I felt last week about my period. All that waiting and it never came. I tried thinking positively. Tried not thinking about it at all (impossible). Tried visualizing, coaxing, reasoning with it. Nothing. I tell you, I have never thought so much about it in my life. And I’d be happy to go back to not thinking about it at all. It’s unpleasant, and it’s boring.

All the thinking mattered not a bit. Turns out, contrary to what we’ve been taught, it’s just fine that it didn’t come. I went in for bloodwork on Saturday and got the green light to start another cycle of Gonal-F. My hormones reflected the beginning of a cycle and my uterine lining was thin – good conditions for ovulation induction. I asked what the doctor made of the fact that I didn’t get my period. “He’s not really sure what to make of it,” said the nurse. Comforting. But I was getting the green light for another go at it, so arguing about whether or not I’d gotten something not-so-fun seemed sort of beside the point. It’s a mystery that will have to go unsolved.

They started me on 75 IU of Gonal-F, which is half the dose that caused the follicle overload last month. For some reason I’ve found myself feeling more anxious this time – about the needles, the dosing, etc. But I’m working through it. Went in on Wednesday for bloodwork and ultrasound and I had only two follicles this time, both at 10mm. They cut – that’s right, cut – the dose based on that. I’m now on 37.5 IU, the lowest possible dose. I guess the idea is to recruit a couple more follicles and then grow them at a slower rate than last time, while keeping my estradiol level under control (this is the hormone that indicates the rate at which your body is developing follicles -- it skyrocketed last time). I’ll go in for another round of bloodwork and ultrasound tomorrow morning.

Last night, as I was explaining the above to my husband, something strange occurred to me: Some people just have all of this stuff happen naturally. Follicles grow, one starts leading and eventually is released. All on its own. No drugs telling things what to do. Their body just works.

To me, that is the biggest mystery of all.

-J.