Dear Santa

Santa was very good to me this year - as he is every year, I'm very lucky - but sitting here tonight looking at all the new things under our tree, I can't help feeling a little empty. The one thing I really, really want, Santa can't bring me. Never thought I'd sing "all I want for Christmas is two pink lines, two pink lines, two pink lines" but somehow, it's in my head.

I am trying really hard to think about the great things I have: a really great husband, amazing family, great friends and (almost) all the toys a girl could want (well, a 26 inch waist, pair of Louboutins and the H. Stern gold bracelet I'm obsessed with notwithstanding). I am feeling happy about the good things today, and I think it's mostly because I've finally found a place where my infertility insanity is completely understood.

It's really odd: I cannot wait to go back to Boston IVF. Me, the one who dreads hospitals, hated my last doctor, and can faint from the smell of a doctor's office.

What's so great about it? Here are a few examples:
1) There's a sign when you walk in that says something like "We love children! But please be conscientious of fellow patients: if you are accompanied by children, please use our family waiting room." Not that I am not sorry for women suffering secondary infertility - but I don't want to see their one baby when I get bad news about having no babies at all.

2) Everyone - from the receptionist to the insurance coordinator to the chief reproductive endocrinologist - is incredibly nice. It's bad enough to deal with this - to have to deal with a phone system where humans never answer, nasty receptionists and harried sectretaries - not to mention emotionally void physicians - would be really unfair.

3) They take a "whole you" approach: After meeting with the doctor (who was relaxed but professional, doctor-like but understanding) I met with Dr. Alice Domar, who runs the Domar Center (Google it - and if you don't live in Massachusetts, get her book!). She introduced herself as "Allie" and I had no idea that she was this world famous person until I went into her office and realized that she started the whole center. After listening and chatting for an hour and a half, she set me up with acupuncture, a mind-body group counseling and yoga program, and a nutritionist (helpful for me because I have a history of eating disorders and I get worse with stress).

The point of all this is that there are people and places out there where you can feel hopeful, and maybe even excited, again. As Dr. A said to us, "People only have so much battery life for dealing with something like this. We want to get you pregnant before your batteries run out."

-L