From Slapstick to Survival

Yesterday was practically slapstick. After my (by now practically daily) rendez-vous in the stirrups, I pulled a nurse aside and told her that I want Dr. Fabulous tracking my cycle. Who should walk by at the very moment I'm uttering these words but Dr. Distracted. Not that he cares -- it's not like my girl parts are so fascinating that this renowned surgeon needs them on his roster. But still. Later, as I'm on the phone with a nurse outside my office building, two men come and disturb my illusion of privacy by standing directly in front of me and photographing the building. I could almost hear the narrative: "Observe the infertile female in her natural habitat, hunting for her illusive follicle prey." I don't know what they were up to, but it made a weird day even weirder.

Today was a different story. Today, I found myself spontaneously weeping in the blood draw chair when the medical assistant asked me how the ultrasound went. I honestly don't know where it came from, other than pure emotional exhaustion. I didn't have any information other than that the follicles I had the other day are essentially the same size today. From then until 2 p.m. I felt this heavy resignation, that I was with every minute crawling toward the eventuality that my cycle would be cancelled. But then, as I braced myself for the worst, I heard the nurse tell me to take the same dose -- 75 IU -- today and tomorrow and come back on Saturday.

On Saturday, as I wait for my results, I can remind myself of these top things not to do while you await your fertility treatment monitoring results:

*Google *any* form of the word "follicle," in any context
*Call your husband every 10 minutes with an update on your anxiety level
*Watch A Baby Story
*Give your ovaries a pep talk with anyone in earshot
*Obsessively review the last cycles' dosing, follicle growth and results, creating charts and diagrams
*Call your doctor's office with a fake question attempting to trick them into spilling the results early.

Anyone have other tips on what not to do?

-J.