It's Over. Just Kidding!

Just when I thought I'd experienced all the random, cruel twists that infertility had to offer, today crept up and bit me right in the behind. It all started normal. In for some early morning stirrup action after they lowered my Gonal-F dose over the weekend. Got not my favorite tech but follicle beggars can't be choosers. She told me I had a 16mm follicle, so I spent most of the day prepared for a call telling me to come back in the morning for one last check before trigger (the target follicle size is 18mm for IUI).

Ha! Have these past seven months taught me nothing about trying to calmly predict where these cycles might go? The voicemail from the nurse went something like this: "I'm sorry to have to tell you this over voicemail, but we're canceling your cycle. Your estrogen level dropped, so that means the cycle won't move forward. We think maybe you should come in for a second opinion with Dr. Fabulous, another doctor in our practice, since she's a bit more focused in PCOS than Dr. Distracted. Call us back to discuss." The subtext? "You totally choked, we're scrubbing this cycle, you're bad luck and Dr. Distracted doesn't want your juju -- or your hoohoo -- darkening his doorway anymore."

Never one to take this kind of rejection without at least a wimper of protest and a neurotic question or two, I immediately hauled it down to my car (the only private place in the vicinity of my office) and called the nurse back. In between sobs, I told her I didn't understand why they would just give up on the cycle when I had a 16mm follicle. Didn't it at least have a fighting chance? Couldn't it be the little follie that could? She considered it for a moment and asked if she could call me back.

After an endless half hour, she called and -- just like that, like she flipped some kind of cartoon switch from cloudy day to sunny day -- said we were continuing the cycle and I was to take 75 IU (double the dose from the weekend) tonight and tomorrow and come back Wednesday morning. Apparently she checked with Dr. Fabulous (my new doctor, I guess) and she said no way would she recommend canceling the cycle -- she sees patients like me all the time and has no problem continuing with a long, slow cycle. My estradiol level went down because -- go figure -- they lowered my dose.

So where does that leave me tonight? With more hamster parts in my ovaries, a little less faith in the cycle and a whole lot of confusion about where to go from here. I do know that I'm so over Dr. Distracted. The next question is whether Dr. Fabulous is really the next big thing in my quest for a few good eggs.

-J.