5.13.2008

Cysting Out This Month

Remember how I got my period a mere nine days after my IUI and the only thing keeping me from jumping out a window was the hope of a fresh, spanking new cycle? Not so fast, said infertility. You're getting too smug. Here's a dose of reality: Two huge cysts on your right ovary.

When the tech at my day three baseline ultrasound asked me whether I was in pain, I knew that couldn't be a good sign (in fact, I think that's #1 on the Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear When There's an Ultrasound Wand in Your Business). The nurse called me that afternoon and confirmed my fear: the cysts were too big to proceed with another treatment cycle, and I had to wait until they went away. I was benched for a month. When she told me to call them on the first day of my next period, I laughed out loud. "Where have you been?" I wanted to ask. "That won't happen," I actually said. "I'll need medication to bring one on." She told me to call back in 28 days.

It was all pretty dismal; she may as well have said, "Call back in an eternity." Infertility is a cruel exercise in forfeiting control for type A people like me, even when there's something you can actually do, like inject yourself like a champ every night. When there's absolutely nothing to do but wait? Well, it's almost unbearable.

I did some research and found that some docs prescribe birth control pills to eliminate cysts, and called back the next day. I spoke with another nurse who said that sometimes people like me can actually ovulate from the cysts, even if they wouldn't normally. She said she couldn't see why I'd need the Pill, suggested that I wait the month and said I was welcome to try the good old fashioned method while I waited. How quaint.

It's not in my nature to get too hopeful; the risk of being hurt is too great if I'm not prepared for the worst at all times. But somehow when it comes to wanting a baby I'm a glutton for punishment. I just keep thinking of what a great story it would be: "So we did the injections for a month, which didn't work...but the next month, without any medication, I got pregnant!" Not to mention the fact that I'd be all done -- no more medicine, ultrasounds, blood test, sadness. It's a lovely thought.

One more week to go. If no period by next Wednesday, I call for a blood test. We'll go from there. I'm learning not to assume anything anymore.

-J.

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