Insanity

Okay, it's official. I'm completely insane. Think I'm exaggerating? Listen up.

Last Tuesday, I was told that my follicles looked good (I had four) and that Wednesday night I should give myself the shot that would make me ovulate, and Thursday and Friday, go in for an IUI.

Tuesday night, my husband was unable to sleep because of excruciating pain in his shoulder. We spent Wednesday in and out of doctor's offices, going for an MRI, meeting with a neurosurgeon at 9 p.m. He told us that my husband had a ruptured disc in his neck, and had to have surgery immediately. As he pointed to the MRI and explained everything, I held it together. But a few minutes later, as he scheduled the surgery, I started to cry.

Was I scared that my husband was having surgery that had a risk of paralysis as a side effect? Worried about the pain he'd endure recovering from a surgery that required a 3 inch cut in his neck, and the moving of his vocal cords and spine? Concerned that the surgery involved removing a disc, grafting bone between his vertebrae and then holding the whole thing together with a metal plate?

Well of course I was. But was that why I was crying? Absolutely not.

I was crying because I'd given myself shots in the stomach and endured blood tests (my greatest phobia) and ultrasounds, and for what?

I hope that the hormones had something to do with my very selfish reaction - of course I was worried about my husband. I just wanted him to um, give me a sample before he headed for the OR.

I don't know how he did it with all the pain he was in - but he did. The morning was an exercise in comedy - I had to go to the Old Person Medical Supply Store to buy sterile cups from a kindly 78 year old with white hair, a malfunctioning hearing aid and poly blend pants ("What do you want dear?" "Um, a sterile cup?" "What for?" "Uh, like the kind you use for urine samples." "Urine samples? You should get those done at your doctor's office, usually..." I wanted to scream at her: IT'S FOR MY HUSBAND TO JERK OFF IN!! BECAUSE I CAN'T GET PREGNANT AND I NEED THE THING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE EXACTLY 48 MINUTES FOR HIM TO GET OFF UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF OXYCONTIN AND CARRY THE SAMPLE IN MY BRA TO THE IVF CLINIC!Any more questions?")

and then race them back to the house where my poor husband, who was in torturous pain, had to produce the sample, which I then raced to the clinic.

As I handed the sample to the lab tech, I was laughing so hard she likely thought I was... insane. But she laughed too when I told her the story, and said, "If you'd gotten pulled over for speeding you could have given theg cop the best story of his career!"

Anyway, part of me thinks this month will work because there is just no way it should. And I think my priorities are back in place...but we'll see what next month brings.