Never Thought I'd...

...admit to doing this. I'm back at it - Googling and Yahooing til 2 a.m. - trying to figure out how early I might have signs of pregnancy. I know it's insane, a bad idea, stupid and won't help - and that it could hurt. I am so scared to get my hopes up...but I can't help it. I had gotten so used to my cycle - get period on day 29, ovulation cramps on morning of day 15, ovulate on day 15, iui on day 16, pimple on chin on day 23-24, cramps on day 28-29 and period again.

Then I started the FSH shots. And I ovulated (well, I triggered ovulation) on day 9, had the IUI on day 10, and on day 16, my chest became so sore that i can hardly stand to have a sheet on top of me. The nurse (who called me!) said it could be a good sign...and then I went with my sister to see her OB today, and asked her if it could be a sign, and she said it was too early for breast tenderness to be caused by pregnancy, and that most likely, it was a progesterone increase from the shots.

So what did I do? Instead of believing a really nice, kind, insanely smart doctor, I'm up til 2 hoping that Annie Lynn from Maryland, who had similar symptoms at 6 days "dpo" and then found out that she was pregnant, is more on target than a doctor whose been seeing pregnant women for 15 years.

The problem with hoping is the disappointment. The problem with not hoping is that I fear that pessimism could affect my chances of getting pregnant...

Ugh. I cannot believe that I am googling things like "sore boobs" (you should see what that brings up, by the way). I cannot believe that I am writing about it. What's happened to me?

I guess the only good news is that if you're experiencing infertility, you're not the only one fighting insanity at the same time!

- L.